Plethora of Deteriorating Memories
by peculiaris
Summary: Melinda May found a note from Phil Coulson


**Disclaimer: Hello! Agents of SHIELD is not mine and so as the characters :)**

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 _They said she was too young to forget but life took its toll on her and she had to accept the reality. She's now living in some place hot and dry. There were times that she'd see some animal hopping in a distant and it was a shame that she couldn't remember what these things were._

 _Her brain's slowly melting._

 _That's what she thought it might be happening._

* * *

Every day Phil would look at her with sad eyes. Every day Phil would open his eyes and thought that maybe he should've taken her out when it wasn't that painful. When she was still remembering, when she could still remember who they were with each other, but who was he kidding?

' _Wasn't that painful?'_ That would be the ultimate lie he could ever tell because no, shooting her would meant a never ending replay of her death in his head. It would be like looking through a blank canvas and seeing the scene played in front of him over and over.

It would be worse than remembering what had happened in TAHITI.

Phil Coulson is a man of loyalty and he's the kind of man that would never back down on his promises. SHIELD was stable when he left it. He had made sure that Daisy wiped out everything about their existence and that there would be a show—them burying Melinda May and Phillip Coulson (again) but this time, there were bodies. Burnt bodies that were recovered from the site where the plane that Melinda May was flying crashed.

It was one of the last thing May was able to do when she was still remembering.

And that was also the day that they flew.

She was against with the plan, she had asked him that if the day comes that her brain would fully melt, he have to shoot her.

 _Kill her_.

That's the plan.

His words were thrown to him by her and it hurts. A lot. He finally understood what had been like for her. Him trying to order his oldest friend to kill him, it almost killed her. And it almost killed him too when she uttered those same words, but he was adamant. He looked at her in the eyes and said, _"No matter what happen, I will not shoot you. I'll find a way."_

And here they are now…

Australian Outback.

This was Melinda's plan when he was deteriorating. It's just a shame that they're here now and it's Melinda who won't be remembering anything.

Every morning, Phil would start his day waking up early to prepare breakfast for them and at exactly 6 o'clock in the morning, Melinda would wake up.

And then, someone would push the restart button again.

Today wasn't different. The instant Melinda laid her eyes on him, it restarts.

"Hi." He said.

"Hello." She said cautiously seeming like guarding herself which was normal. She somehow still have the reflexes considering she had forgotten almost everything.

"Breakfast is ready, Lin." He said. He discovered a long time ago that she preferred the nickname he gave her long time ago and it has also became a habit upon this rapid memory lost occurred. Today might be a good day because she wasn't swearing and trashing like those days ago. These were the days that made him think that he's seeing the old Melinda. Like she's just there somewhere but lost.

"I'm sorry. I know that somehow I know you but I can't remember anything." She said softly looking on the floor.

However, the moment she would utter those same words the bubble that wrapped around Phil would pop and he's back to reality.

"Forgive me. I am Phillip Coulson. You call me Phil." He said, just like how he would say every day. Melinda being Melinda would always notice the tears forming in his eyes and she would always cradle his face. Sometimes she looks at him with such familiarity that made him believe that maybe, just maybe they're not in this god forsaken place; that maybe they're back in the base and Melinda was still flying the damn airplane.

"I am so sorry." She said still cradling his face. She felt a vague emotion in herself. Maybe this person, this Phil in front of her was a husband she once remembered.

Phil pulled back and took a plate from the cupboard. He looked at her with a smile. The traces of sorrow in his eyes were gone. Melinda thought for a moment that it was a dream. However, her heart knew that it wasn't. She couldn't explain it but she knew it was real.

The day went on just like their normal day. Normal for Phil and a day of relearning for Melinda. Every day it was getting harder and harder for Phil. He was getting frustrated. Skye—Daisy—said that they could all take care of her in the base but he was adamant at his decision. He's doing this and that's the end of conversation.

A part of him argued that the reason why he was willing to sacrifice for her was because he wanted to acknowledge every sacrifices she had made for him, but the truth, in his heart he knew why. He had love this woman for so long and he was willing to do everything for her even if it means sacrificing his life. It was a noble thing to do for some but for him it was something he had promised her a long time ago, she may had forgotten it but she never did.

Their day gone with Melinda asking too many questions. It was rather amusing to Phil seeing her this talkative but a part of him ached as to why all of a sudden her partner had became this talkative. Phil looked at her and marvel at the look on her face, the way her eyes light up on the things she finds fascinating and the way she smiles genuinely at him with ease.

These moments with her told him that everything was worth it. He might've been called a fool for doing this but looking at her and seeing her smile with simple things every day's worth every pain he would endure every day.

Melinda was in her room when she remembered something that Phil said earlier, there was a box full of memories of her and the team he mentioned earlier. Phil also said that today was a good day whatever that means. She noticed that he was carrying a recorder whenever they talk but he never once made her listen to it. Maybe it was because she already knew what was recorded in it.

Her plethora of deteriorating memories.

She found diaries in the box and a box full of memories that once she had. Reading it would be like reading someone else's autobiography. It would be like she's intruding someone's privacy but in reality she will be reading for the first time her own story written by herself. She was scanning the pages when she saw a handwriting differed from hers.

' _When the time comes that you won't remember me, I'll introduce myself to you over and over. I will be that small seed in your brain that lies between remembering and forgetting. One day, you will not be able to fight it and choose forgetting but I will still be here for you, telling you our stories. I will never get tired of meeting you for the first time."_

 _Til we meet again my Lin,_

 _Your Phil_

Tears were flowing from her eyes by the time she finished reading. She knew she might forget this day again tomorrow but she knew that she had to do something. Ripping the paper she went to his room with a mission. She opened his door and there he was lying on his bed seemingly looked shocked. This must be the first time she entered his quarters without permission. On his hand was the damn recorder.

"I'm yours" was the first thing that she said.

"What?" Phil asked.

"I'm yours" She said again and showed the piece of paper on her hand.

Slowly, Melinda approached him and sat at the end of his bed looking on the floor. He slowly leaned onto her and took the paper. Melinda heard the sharp intake of breathe beside her and she looked up to see his reaction. His eyes were wide and looked conflicted.

"I'm yours." She said again and this time he nods sadly.

Melinda held his hand.

"I might forget you in a minute or later or tomorrow… a part of me hopes never but our hands bind like this makes me feel comfortable. The moment I saw you earlier I felt that you are safe.. that I am safe. I am sorry that you have to endure this pain. I am sorry that I couldn't do anything to stop myself from forgetting. I'm so sorry." Melinda started crying and Phil took her in his arms. She leaned her head on his chest and listen to his heart.

It was beating loudly. It was calming.

"I might not remember you tomorrow but I want to stay here." She said but he didn't answer and it was a flash of lighting she realized that she was hurting him more with the request. She immediately stood up. "I—I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I know you're alre—"

"Stay."

"W-what?" it's her time to look dumbfounded this time. Phil took her hand into his own.

"Stay."

She nodded and began to climb the bed and lay beside him. Phil took the moment to hold her in his arms as she used his chest as pillow.

"I might forget you tomorrow." She said.

"I know."

"I want to remember you."

"Your heart will remember me even if your head won't." He said, trying to be optimistic but failing because he knew when the time comes, her heart would not be able to remember him too.

"I'm going to miss you." she said quietly.

"Me too Lin, me too."

Phil pulled her tighter as tears started to cascade down his face.

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 **what do you guys think?**


End file.
